good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
