the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
