in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I FOUND THE LEGS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
