Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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