Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
