i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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