So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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