pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
