i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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