The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
