I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just want nice things and good sex
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
