I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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