she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
