I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
