Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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