The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
