I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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