I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
