Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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