haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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