My sheets look like a crime scene.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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