I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
