We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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