just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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