Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
