There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
