Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
