They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
