it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
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