Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
