walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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