You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
