I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
