oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
