anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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