I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I party with great urgency now.
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