Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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