see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
