thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
