Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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