I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
