I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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