I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
