I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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