T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
