So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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