I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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