Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
