How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
