I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
