Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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